Who knows best?
by Miss Momolo
Summary: Who knows best? Certainly not Mother, certainly not Father, certainly not advisers, or masters, or teachers, or spirits or friends or Brother or anything at all.


**Who knows best?** – Azula fan fiction. I do not own ALTA or their charecters. SO this is a fan fic about Azula and her crazyness, an ooooollllllllllddddddd fan fic. But the thing is I done this before knowing about the graphic novels of The promise and the new one The search ( which is about Zuko's mother) Though I thought I share this with u guys. I will like to clear that this is a one-shot I will not continue this... just sharing. I am welcome to REVIEWS! plz review :)

Four walls, three-hundred crimson floor tiles, one window, bed, bathroom and ceiling… countless others details that I know about this… this place but I rather not think about it…

It was not a place nor a room because I don't feel comfortable in it. It was like a prison. Ironic that all this time sending lowlifes to ones never had I expected to end up at the same place. (A/n: It's not a prison it's a room but Azula views it like that)

I'm constantly visited by people I have yet to know their names-it being almost two years at this endless stay- but I don't plan in finding out anytime soon because they treat me with such dimness that at times it's unbearable.

They lock me in my room (which since I found out this action affirmed that it's a prison). It was a shock to find out that my own brother-Fire Lord- keeps me in this cage as if I can't take care of myself, sending peasants to do daily work for me. I'm not incompetent.

Then he had the nerve to visit me and ask how am I feeling. Doesn't he know where his keeping me? If so, then why ask me this? One time I couldn't take his gaze upon me with pity. So, I shot blue fire. Little did I know that he had personal guards who were watching his back from places I never knew they could hide. Just as I was about to do it those agents came and block my flow in Bending then took motion from my body. Brother looked down at me with such misfortune that I wanted to spit at his face. He grabbed me and took me to my bed, but he didn't laid me down and just left, he stayed with me- I still in his arms- and started rocking me back and forth as if I was a child, a child on a tantrum. I screamed and when he didn't flinch or react or let me go, I started to cry because I felt as though I was a motionless doll who was controlled by others and not herself.

Somehow I had gotten to sleep. I hated it, anyways. But as I wake to an empty room I realized that this was not right. Though it wasn't the first time I came to the conclusion, perhaps I had already come to this long ago and only now did I notice it. It had occurred in many events. The one that finally gave me the final push and threw me off the cliff was Mai and Ty-lee's betrayal. Because just when I thought I was whole again, that I had a family it grabbed me by the neck and trapped me on a wall as every possible tragedy threw knives at my back. It hurt. It hurt both mind and chest. But I knew that what was bleeding out was my heart, the only fatal wound, the only knife uncounted for, the one located at the center and fire of me. Now it was dead. Though I learned to live with it. Ty-lee was long gone with some warriors, instead of the circus, that surprise me by much. I heard she was married now, I won't doubt that though. But as my heart was still sewing close I couldn't help feel the tinkle of pain every time I looked out my window and saw Mai happy, had long since forgotten me, as if I never existed. And even more now that she was the Fire Lord's wife, oh I always imagine her single forever, lonely, such pleasure it gave me. But I hate her even more now, more now that her belly was showing, more now that everyone was happy about it, more now that there was going to be an heir to the Fire Thrown.

Even if that was one of the many unwanted events that got me to realize the status of where I was now, I guessed you can say that I knew since a child. Since my Mother left. But way before that. When she made it clear that she didn't want me, when she made it clear that she hated me. Wasn't she supposed to… love me? Care for me? Want me? Not despise me? But somehow I thought that maybe she was right, didn't mothers' know best? If that were true then I would be the most hateful child there could ever be. And every time she scowled at me, or she complained or even hit me I knew I was doing it right, because mothers know right.

Father didn't say anything, for the least he used to prize me for it. And when I use my Bending at the servants or even Brother he said I was a prodigy. A true prodigy and I knew Mother was right. But then it got distant and I started to wonder if she really knew what she was doing. And when Father banished her that made it way more clearer. She didn't know best. I hated her. I hated that she left. I hated that she didn't say goodbye to me. I hated that she hated me. I hated that she loved Brother best. I hated that because of Brother Mother left. I hated that she didn't fight against Fathers orders. I hated that she didn't know best. I hated that I hated Mother.

Somehow with time, I blocked her out of my system and never in anyway did I cry because of her departure. I even forgot her name, only when they say or mentioned her was I reminded. And so I only had a Father, and that Father knew best. That Father was my Lord. I started to understand that Father was the only one who was right. I knew that he was right because he never talked about Mother (clear indication of hatred) and if he did he would talk about her very spitefully, and he couldn't withstand Brother. The more happy I was when in front of him and all important people he say: "You were born lucky," then he turn to Brother, "you were lucky to be born." The more happy I was when they started laughing at him and he would storm off. Oh, how I wished he was crying. And if I heard him sniffle I would found myself almost screaming with laughter.

But remembering that I was sleeping and because of Brother and because he made me cry to sleep, that made the feeling of remembrance less joyful.

Though that mental picture of Father that I held in my head turned the candles off of his shrine with air of fear. Fear when he scarred Brother for life. Of course Brother had spoken out of turn and it was a dishonor but when he challenged him to an Agni-kai I always thought he pick a fighter with skills not a fighter- himself. I was filled with longing but later on when all was done I realize that if I ever gave my opinion in anything in particular Father would burn me just as well. His prodigy, his pride, his daughter with no kind of remorse because if he didn't pity Mother and he didn't pity Brother, why in the spirits would he pity me?

I created a barrier where I kept him out, cautioned of what I was saying, or doing. Trying to be perfection to him, as I tried to keep salvation for myself. It wasn't difficult to do; I just had to agree with him, and spit-shine his pride with comments, and nod and laugh at his coldblooded jokes and never ever speak out of order. But as I did this a new question rose to mind.

Who knows best?

Certainly not Mother, certainly not Father, certainly not advisers, or masters, or teachers, or spirits or friends or Brother or anything at all.

Because at this prison I realized that no one really knows best. You just make the best of anything you know. And all I knew was that I am hateful. So I will make the best of it, even if it hurts other, my nation, or my Father and Mother, even if it hurts me. Because you don't really know anything. Knowledge was for those who understand to a full extent everything they do or say or think or feel, what was right and what was wrong, when was day and when was night. I don't know anything anymore, not ever.

Certainly not me who knows best.

So why do I keep seeing the light of day anymore? Why do I kept waking up, when I can be sleeping an eternity of peace?

Why I'm I still here?

"Azula?" A voice too familiar broke the silence in the room and my opportunity.

I didn't answer. Hopefully it would go away, just like everyone did, just like everything did. "Azula, are you there?" Why didn't it go away? Why when I wanted things to stay they run and when I wanted things to run they stayed?

The door opened and I bolted up in a sitting position on my bed. Brother's face was a bit older, a bit older since he started ruling the Fire Nation. That should be my face and now all I am is a girl with long hair, pale lips and dark eyes, a peasant. How did everything come to this when it was I who always imagine Brother in this position? Ironic.

"Azula I need to talk to you." Brother ran a hand at his long hair and I found myself doing the same. He still stood at the door frame studying me, trying to comprehend something that I only had within me. I didn't ask what the matter was because I really wasn't that interested. So, Brother took a step forward and I hopped out of bed. He was trying the same act from before. I wasn't going to belong in his arms as he practiced with me what he would soon do to his heir. Brother took a breath. "It's about Mother."

I felt myself rock back and forth as if somehow he found his way to me even though I was seeing him standing still as if afraid I do something… He had every right to fear.

I screamed Fire as I felt my heart tore it's sew, as it tore again. My head was beating to the rhythm of the small ring from the roar. As I did this I looked at myself in the mirror and saw how ugly I am, I looked like a monster. Maybe mothers do know best, maybe Mother was right, I am a monster. But then I had the perfect Idea. I punched the mirror as it broke in my hands. Pain shot through my hand as blood poured out, but I had seen and had worse. I quickly located a large broken piece and gripped it tight making a big gash at my fingers. But soon it would be over; I would never have to suffer, even if I go to a near hell.

"Some help, please." Brother said as I brought the shard to my neck. And like that I was falling to the ground. The shard falling from my hands and the same guards from before towering me.

I couldn't move and I couldn't Bend. All I could do was watch. Watch as Brother came closer as he pushed the guards away, as he kneeled beside me as he grabbed me, as he carried me to my bed. My eyes water with frustration, never did I cry for Mother but now I was here crying of frustration.

Brother sat me in his lap as he rested my head in his arms. He looked me up and down and when he was done he called to a servant to attend to my hands. As he waited, he only glared at me with a kind of disappointed. As if one day I made him proud. "I hate you…" I whispered.

Brother frowned, compassionate. He wrapped his arms around me tighter. "I do not, sister."

"Just leave." It was my biggest wish. Why was he saying things he never meant just to calm me down? Didn't he realize he made me suffer enough? I just wanted to be done with this, just be dead…

Brother looked at me as he sniffled. The weird part was that I didn't feel joy. Then as if on cue there were tears. "I can't. I have to tell you."

I raised and eye brow as new tears streamed out. I hated this but I felt the urge to bit the words back just for Brother's sake. Was this how he felt about me, such great pity?

"Why?"

"Because you're my sister."

"Why?"

"Because we stick together."

"But why?" I felt my brain numbed, all I wanted was to scream again. He made things so complicated.

"Because we are a family, and family sticks together, and I can't let me Sister behind while I go ahead. This is not what Mother taught us."

"What she taught you." I added, then something clicked and I remember something. "Anyway what was stopping you before? I never remember you ever looking back at me, Brother, I never saw you ahead either."

Brother looked embarrassed. "Father." Then he looked directly at me. "But this is why I'm here."

"I don't care."

It seemed as if Brother didn't hear me. And even before he said anything I knew what he was about to say. "I know where Mother is."


End file.
